Going home...

Couple more hours, i will be getting ready to change up and finalize my bags and document to leave this rubbish place for the year.. This will be the end of 2009 Palmy for me.. then a few more hours from that, i will be boarding a 777-300ER back to singapore.. Time to leave everything behind and leave. Yet there is something that i have not done.. Something that if i did, things will change drastically for me and ppl i know. Something that doesn`t have a good ring to it.. hmm...

Couple of hours to decide if its worth doing it. Life is an accident.. Sometimes things happened the way that is not planned!

Oh well, will be home soon to see my family and brothers and sisters..

One more wk to go...

Today, i kept my promise to a fren of mine.. I kept it to the very teeth of it. Am kina surprise that i`m able to keep if for the entire period of time. Almost had to break my leg to stop myself.. Anyway, there wun be a next time. Hopefully, God will show me an easier way to stop myself..

One more wk to home.. Kina do nuthing here in this rubbish land. Can`t believe that every freaking flight is full, even with the business class.. Why are there so many singaporeans in NZ? why are there so many people going to singapore during this period of time..? Why ?

Visit to Ohakea Airbase

Abt 30km north of Palmy is the base for 42SQN, 3rd SQN, PTS and some other SQN.. Its the home for most Kiwi pilot training ground.

This visit bring back memories..

Gone were the days when i was still a trainee in Singapore Air Force.. Flight suit, steel toe boots, patches, helmets and all that culture juz sink str8 in me. Ops, Planning room, Met brief in the morning, junior class doing the shit-est of jobs.. Last but not least, doing shouts at the mess and drinking all nite on the wkend with the instructors and crew.. It does spell out some wonderful time i use to have. At least it took some of my time away to think abt some stuff..

Sorting out the shit for next year, seems like it might not be easy for me as somethings wld juz stare back at you in your face. Can`t wait to get out of this course and head home. Its not the course that sat me back but the ppl that are in it! Its freaking disgusting and unreal at how human beings are sometimes..

The night is long and lonely..

12 more days and i will be on a flight home.. away from this rubbish place that only offer the saddest memories..

The more i know the more disappointing life is. Everything that i have ever known is nuthing more then juz simple lies.. The wait, the chase and all that talks abt being taken care of, is nuthing more then a lie to cover up the stupidity mind and not at all LOVE as we all want to know it. Rage will never want to go down no matter how crazy or demonic i beat myself in sports or training. The need to do something is juz a constant reminder of how rubbish and silly i was to believe that loving someone with all i have is enough to help take away all that is wrong.. The feeling of helplessness and loneliness juz feel the night sky with all this depressing notes.. I am not SAFE..

P.S: din mean to sound like that, but thats how life is and how things are going for me.. Will be fine, at least i have to be!

I thou` I could, but I couldn`t

I thou I could, but i couldn`t,

the believe of things will be fine, but it didn`t

exhausting out the energy that encompass in my body to stop me from thinking,

but it never leave my breathe and engulf my mind with thoughts everynite

I thou i could, but i couldn`t

walking down the endless path of no return i pray for the wind to bring my thoughts away,

but it did.. it brought back more memories and illustrated as the clouds flow pass.

I thou i could, but i couldn`t

as i see you once again on the road with another , i thou i cld say "hi",

but i didn`t, only disappointment and confusion rise up to my unbearable action of uncomforted.

This has to stop and this will stop... I thou i could, but i couldn`t...

Few more days and it will be the end of paper for this sem.. Soo need to go back singapore for some fresh air. At least,

maybe things will be easier for me to handle, then here is a little town of Palmy. 17 more day and maybe things will be better..

Maybe this is how i know, i`m a Singaporean..