Visit to Ohakea Airbase

Abt 30km north of Palmy is the base for 42SQN, 3rd SQN, PTS and some other SQN.. Its the home for most Kiwi pilot training ground.

This visit bring back memories..

Gone were the days when i was still a trainee in Singapore Air Force.. Flight suit, steel toe boots, patches, helmets and all that culture juz sink str8 in me. Ops, Planning room, Met brief in the morning, junior class doing the shit-est of jobs.. Last but not least, doing shouts at the mess and drinking all nite on the wkend with the instructors and crew.. It does spell out some wonderful time i use to have. At least it took some of my time away to think abt some stuff..

Sorting out the shit for next year, seems like it might not be easy for me as somethings wld juz stare back at you in your face. Can`t wait to get out of this course and head home. Its not the course that sat me back but the ppl that are in it! Its freaking disgusting and unreal at how human beings are sometimes..

The night is long and lonely..

12 more days and i will be on a flight home.. away from this rubbish place that only offer the saddest memories..

The more i know the more disappointing life is. Everything that i have ever known is nuthing more then juz simple lies.. The wait, the chase and all that talks abt being taken care of, is nuthing more then a lie to cover up the stupidity mind and not at all LOVE as we all want to know it. Rage will never want to go down no matter how crazy or demonic i beat myself in sports or training. The need to do something is juz a constant reminder of how rubbish and silly i was to believe that loving someone with all i have is enough to help take away all that is wrong.. The feeling of helplessness and loneliness juz feel the night sky with all this depressing notes.. I am not SAFE..

P.S: din mean to sound like that, but thats how life is and how things are going for me.. Will be fine, at least i have to be!

I thou` I could, but I couldn`t

I thou I could, but i couldn`t,

the believe of things will be fine, but it didn`t

exhausting out the energy that encompass in my body to stop me from thinking,

but it never leave my breathe and engulf my mind with thoughts everynite

I thou i could, but i couldn`t

walking down the endless path of no return i pray for the wind to bring my thoughts away,

but it did.. it brought back more memories and illustrated as the clouds flow pass.

I thou i could, but i couldn`t

as i see you once again on the road with another , i thou i cld say "hi",

but i didn`t, only disappointment and confusion rise up to my unbearable action of uncomforted.

This has to stop and this will stop... I thou i could, but i couldn`t...

Few more days and it will be the end of paper for this sem.. Soo need to go back singapore for some fresh air. At least,

maybe things will be easier for me to handle, then here is a little town of Palmy. 17 more day and maybe things will be better..

Maybe this is how i know, i`m a Singaporean..

A year of events...

Almost coming to an end for my 2nd year in Massey Uni, NZ. What a year full of ups and downs. Whole loads of crap that was thrown from everywhere. The good thing is tis year end, i`m not going home with another pair of clutches.

Finally done with all my Nav checks. Took me one whole year but well, at least its done.. Like CPT Ashok said, I`m juz in a zone of bad luck. Need to put that aside and move on. if i can`t, i will always be in it! Next up will be advance handling and sims for single engine. Got to finish my nite flight as well..

2 more mgmt papers to go and another 28 days to heading back to Singapore for awhile. Really miss home. With all these unmemorable hits keep poping through. Head banging, finger licking and gut filling Wala Wala and uXpected gig, here i come.

---------------

"To forgive is the first step in healing" - The last Airbender: Ang

To forget, i can`t.

To forgive is for me to slowly let go till i can see no more

maybe one day i will be able to, maybe...

"Abba Father, I pray for strength to forgive and forget.

I pray for your blessing to take me throu' this as i let go,

you will step in to make all things better!

Father in heaven, i have nothing to give but my sins and unhappiness.

Pray for me and show me the light.. Amen.."

The memories of it all comes back with the sting

Its been ages still i touch my blog and sorrie all who are always reading my updates. I`m sorrie for not writing for the past 6 months and sorrie for no checking in on you guys. Really have been on a rollercoaster ride throu the valley of disappointment to the cliff of happiness...

Anyway, i`m back and will try to stay longer this time round.

Exams are coming up on early next month; time to start doing past papers and reading up on airline stuff.. Flight test will need to happen as well, but weather in palmy is really shit with cloud base as low as 600 feet overcast. Sianz...

Will be coming home soon.. Kina miss Singapore and the friends that have always been there for me. Was speaking to a lady at the pharmacy tis afternoon and much to my surprise, she was from Singapore. She migrated to NZ after marrying an English guy and had 2 kids. She was updating me how Ion is fascinating with its basement levels and shops.. How hari raya was a festival that no one can ever miss, becoz of the multitude of malay delicacy that is produce by the family members.. I miss makaning in singapore..

Anyway, this will be a short entry.. Kina lost for words due recent events.. Really need to take sometime to get back myself..

*Forgiving you will mean feeding myself back to into the lions' den. But getting angry at you will only bring back more pain into the whole of issues. Miss you i will be, juz hope that time wun take too long over these period*